7/18/09 - Logic vs. Heart

***I'm so sorry that I forgot to post this last night!! What can I say, I done got all wrapped up in Weeds.***

Babies, babies everywhere! I am surrounded by babies! Makes the whole “let’s be rational about the decision to have another baby” thing awfully hard. There is absolutely no part of me that wants to be rational when it comes to deciding to have another baby. It completely goes against my nature. And I’m a pretty rational person, overall. I use logic all the time to make decisions, navigate life and exist. I’m a huge believer in logic and reason as a rule.

But when it comes to having babies, I consciously throw reason right out the window. I just don’t think it’s a decision to be made using a rational mind. I mean don’t get me wrong, it’s not a whim or an impulse. I spend a lot of time thinking about what time of year I’d like the baby to be born, namely that after being in my third trimester during the hottest part of summer with The Boy, I will never again be pregnant when it’s hot. But also to make sure birthdays are spread out evenly; so that every kiddo has their own birthday and doesn’t have to share it with another holiday or another person’s birthday. I spend an incredibly large amount of time thinking about names; it’s my most favorite part, the choosing of a name. I plan and think and think and plan. But almost all of the planning has to do with after the baby arrives. The actual choice to get all knocked up in the first place? That is something that comes entirely from my heart.

Which would be why we’ve gotten pregnant at two of the worst possible times. With The Boy I had just lost my job and was trying to figure out which way was up. With The Girl I had just landed the job of my dreams and knew it would take an inordinate amount of time, which it did. I just spent all that time trying my best not to throw up all over my board of directors.

Reason dictates that this would be the worst time of all to get pregnant. But man is my heart screaming for it to happen.

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