3/24/10 - Growth Spurt

There must be twins in there. Good God. I’m now 10 weeks along and I am officially out of all my regular pants. Even my great big jeans that I typically cannot wear without a tightly cinched belt are too tight. I am noticeably showing which I think shocks me more than anything because I’m not a small woman. So it typically takes me a bit longer to really look pregnant instead of just “fluffy” around the middle. But there is a bump. Staring back at me in the mirror. Making my shirts poke out in strange ways and buttoning my jeans make me gasp for breath.

And I’m still feeling pretty good. Although I think I can tell when this kid is going through growth spurts because there is a marked change in my appetite and level of fatigue. I mean, I’m pretty much tired all the time, don’t get me wrong, but the last day or so I’m falling asleep if I sit still for longer than 2 minutes. And things go downhill fast if I don’t eat the minute I notice I’m hungry. Like break out in a cold sweat, come close to fainting in the middle of Target, shaking violently downhill.

It’s a strange limbo though. There is a part of me that knows that I’m pregnant, that is still doing cartwheels with excitement. And then there is the part of me that is so wrapped up here with my kids and my Dad that I keep forgetting there’s a little bean in there and that yes, it’s entirely appropriate for me to eat several times a day and that I must remember to drink more water. But ultimately it just adds a nice shining light to the overall peace I’m in right now. Which is definitely a big bonus to be sure. I know that the peace I’m so grateful for right now could shift at any moment if I let it. Could easily be eaten again by anger or impatience. So I’m hoping between the two that perhaps they can support each other, give each other strength and perseverance. To keep growing and blossoming in their own gorgeous ways.

100 Things, Part One

Ok, so I decided to copy cat L’s idea and come up with my own list of 100 things I want to do in my life. And she was right it’s really hard! Although once I let myself distinguish between goals and dreams, it got a bit easier. Because I got all serious and started out by thinking that the whole list had to be goals. Things I wanted, and needed, to accomplish in my lifetime. But I think the whole purpose is to let yourself just dream and think about all the things you’ve always wanted to do, without constraint or judgment. And that made it a bit easier, but it’s still hard. Like I said yesterday, I think my dreamer is rusty. It’s just been so long since I just let myself daydream. Because while it’s good for the soul, it can also be dangerous. So as with everything else, it’s about balance. Learning how to dream without getting attached to the dreams. Or more specifically, without attaching expectations to the dream. Because it’s always the expectations that get me in trouble.

So, without further ado, here’s my first 25 to start with:
1. Write and publish a book
2. Only wear clothes that I love everyday
3. Get Lasik surgery so I don’t have to wear glasses anymore!
4. Take my family to Europe
5. Go white water river rafting
6. Swim with dolphins
7. Learn how to make perfect pad thai
8. Get scrapbooks for the kids done through their childhoods
9. Adopt a Greyhound
10. Live by the ocean
11. Become a bone marrow donor
12. Go on Wheel of Fortune
13. See the Colts (with Peyton Manning as QB) play in person
14. Find the perfect shade of lipstick
15. Have a hot stone massage
16. Teach the kids how to batik
17. Go whale watching
18. Get all gussied up for and go to a red carpet event
19. Go to a strawberry festival
20. Re-learn how to make perfect tortillas
21. Learn how to walk in stiletto heels
22. Go on a ghost tour
23. Learn how to sew
24. Have horses again
25. Find a muse

Good News to Share!

I’ve got some good news to share, finally. I am pregnant! I had my first OB appointment today and everything is where it should be and looking perfectly healthy, happy and on track. Although my doctor got my heart beating a bit when she wanted to do an ultrasound immediately following my exam because she thought I might have twins in there. But there’s just the one little bean, that we could see anyway. She said that it was possible there was another bean hiding behind the first one, but she didn’t think so. We’ll know for certain as I get farther along I suppose. I’m due mid-October, which I’m not exactly sure why I thought was a good idea. Since I swore that I would never, ever do my third trimester in the middle of summer after The Boy. And here I am, doing it again. But I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a cool summer, or for my husband to get a raise so that we can afford me to have the air conditioning running full tilt for three solid months.

Speaking of my husband, he’s ecstatic. He would have been telling people several weeks ago if I’d have let him. He’s convinced it’s a boy and he’s already got the kid named. I keep trying to tell him that it doesn’t even know what it is yet. But he doesn’t seem to care.

I think we will wait until I’m showing a bit to tell the kids so they have something more tangible to focus on. Although I think that will probably be sooner rather than later with this one as every single pair of my pants are already uncomfortably tight, which is mildly infuriating. But at least I get to change up my wardrobe now. Granted, it’s with the introduction of maternity clothes, but still, they are clothes I haven’t worn in almost 4 years.

And I’m excited. Really excited. Thrilled that it finally happened before I lost my dad. Thrilled at the prospect of a new little person entering our family. Just keeping my fingers crossed for a healthy baby and an easy pregnancy. Cross yours with me, would you?

Ode to Immune Systems and Baby!

The Boy must have an immune system like a friggin’ tank. I’m tellin’ ya’. When we put him to bed last night, he had a 104 degree fever, had been projectile vomiting all afternoon, had the croup and was basically the sickest he has been in a very long time. When he woke up this morning, he was fever free, vomit free, breathing freely and essentially back to himself. I still kept him home from school though, mostly because if he was still contagious I didn’t want him spreading this plague to someone else. Also, I didn’t want to have to go pick him up should his fever and/or vomit return. I know, I am such a super compassionate mom. But he’s definitely going back to school tomorrow. He’s kept all his food down today, had no return of the fever and been back to my sweet boy again. For which I am utterly grateful. He so rarely gets sick anymore that when he gets that sick, it freaks me out just a little.

The Girl seems to be fine so far (knocking on wood, furiously) and other than being stuffy, I appear to be fine too (screw it, I am just going to make sure some part of me is always touching and/or tapping wood until summer arrives).

On a decidedly non-sickness related note, my college roommate and her husband just got word last night that they were chosen by a birth mother to adopt her little boy!! So they are going to be parents in about a week and a half, if everything continues to go along as planned. I am so excited for them I could bust. I mean seriously. I’d do almost anything to be there with them to go shopping and put together furniture and move stuff around. I would just love to be there with them through this amazing time. But they know I’m there in spirit and I’ve told C to call me anytime for anything. I can’t wait to see pictures of the little guy, I’m just so excited! I said that already didn’t I? Fine. I’ll just go back to planning their new parent/baby care package.

Happy Valentine's Day

I find Valentine’s Day to be utterly loathsome. But I think I regaled you enough with my abhorrence of this day last year. And I’m actually in a good mood today. So if you are looking for my more snarky side, please, feel free to look up last year’s post.

For everyone else, let’s talk movies! I took The Boy to see Percy Jackson and The Lightening Thief today. We got him the books by Rick Riordan for Christmas this year in an attempt to get him really interested in stories instead of him always thinking that reading is only a chore to be done in school. So we’ve been reading them before bed every night. Not only are the books really good, but it also gives The Boy and I a chance to connect every day which is lovely. But we’re both totally sucked into the books and we are just starting the third one. So when we saw that they had made a movie of the first book, we were both totally stoked and I thought it would be a really fun thing for just him and me to do. So we met some good friends at the (sold out) movie theater today and strapped in for some super fun frolicking through Greek mythology. Instead it was like they took all the characters’ names and then decided to tell a totally different story. I think maybe they sat down with the author and said, “OK, we really like your story Mr. Riordan, and we’ll use it for inspiration, but we have other ideas. You’re ok with that right?” I mean, yes it was a good movie. It just had very little to do with the book on which it was supposedly based.

My husband and I have a long standing love affair with zombies. So how better to spend Valentine’s Day than to watch Zombieland? We have both wanted to see it for forever and it was well worth the wait. We both loved it.

Movies, a big fat box of chocolates, time with my Boy, a super sweet card from my hubby. This may very well be the best Valentine’s Day ever.

12/25/09 - Merry Christmas!

Holy present explosion Batman!! I got a great picture of the two of them on first sight of the magnificent pile of wrapped goodies arranged perfectly behind two grand offerings from Santa. The looks on their faces were utter, unabashed joy. It was what Christmas mornings should be. It was what was so sorely lacking in last year’s Christmas.

The Boy’s Christmas was chock full of Star Wars. And that is pretty much it. Between Santa and all the grandparents, The Boy now has his very own Star Wars armada to cheerfully batter about. He was over the moon! Throw in a couple of super cool tie dyed shirts from Nana Ro, a bright orange Wolverine sweatshirt from mom and dad and super cool Spider-Man slippers from Nana and he was a very happy camper indeed.

The Girl’s Christmas was like a diva/princess/rock star Mecca made tangible. I removed the ban on all things Barbie this year so she was awash with tons of familiar pink bubble writing as well as getting her dress up box tripled with super cool princess dresses and truly divine shoes adorned with rhinestones and feathers galore. Round all that out with her first guitar and drum set and she was ready to rock and roll, literally. I don’t think she could have chosen a more perfect assortment of gifts if you had given her free reign and all the money in the world.

My darling husband surprised me with tickets to see Muse in Denver in April as well as playing to my recent embrace of adolescent obsession with Twilight. And in an effort to plug the one glaring hole in my culinary aptitude, my mom gave me a rice cooker. I seriously cannot make rice to save my life. But now I can! And my husband was happy to get iTunes money and new additions to his sci-fi library.

My mom loved the iPod we gave her and my dad looked like he really appreciated the writing journal I gave him.

Not to mention the fact that I absolutely nailed my grandmother’s cinnamon rolls. They were decadent and perfect.

I could not have wished for a lovelier Christmas.

12/13/09 - Mini-Holiday

Here we are, in Albuquerque. My dear friend, R, works for a swanky new hotel in town and she offered to get us rooms for a steal, so we took her up on the offer knowing it would be a nice place. And holy cow am I glad we did. The hotel is gorgeous (not to mention that it’s an entirely sustainable, green hotel so it just sort of makes you feel like a good person to stay there), the rooms are lovely and they have killer views of some amazing murals that have been painted on the sides of buildings downtown. I cannot say enough nice things about the place!

And we got to have dinner with J and J and their gorgeous boy C tonight as well. The male J of that pair is the closest thing I’ve ever had to a brother. We grew up together and I adore him. I also adore his wife and son, so I was thrilled to be able to get together for dinner and playtime with them this evening. We got to see their house, which they’ve spent the last couple of years gutting and transforming into a lovely home, and watch The Girl and C play until well past both of their bedtimes.

Mom and I were also able to somehow be utterly stealthy by finishing up our Christmas shopping at The Big Toy Store this afternoon without The Girl catching on to what we were doing. As far as she knew we just took her there to look around. And without a doubt, this is absolutely the last year that we’ll be able to carry out such a mission with her within a 10 mile radius of the store, let alone in there with us.

It’s been a good start, albeit extraordinarily busy and fast paced, to our little 36 hour getaway. You just can’t beat the ultimate nice road trip, successful shopping trip, yummy dinner, mojitos, watching beautifully sweet children play happily, fabulous conversation, awesome hotel room to come back to, unbelievably comfortable bed to lay awake in when I should be sleeping, lightening fast and free Wi-Fi and killer mini bar combo.

Another Happy Birthday!

One of the first times I ever really met my husband was on his 21st birthday. I saw him long enough to wish him a happy birthday before his fraternity brothers took him bar hopping. I saw him again several hours later when those same brothers deposited him face down on the floor in the quad. After standing around him for a while, occasionally checking to make sure he was still breathing, someone flipped him over and brought out the markers. I wrote something loving on his forehead with a big black Sharpie and bid him good night. If I remember correctly, it took him several days to get all the marker off his face. He was already nursing a crush for me at that point, so I was quickly forgiven, but it’s still one of the funniest memories I have of him.

Today is his 32nd birthday. I don’t make grand plans for his birthdays anymore as he’s made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t really like to celebrate his birthday much. And he had to work today anyway, so we couldn’t really have done much. But I made him his favorite mismatched breakfast – orange cinnamon rolls and bacon and tried to let him just have a fun day when he wasn’t working. My mom took us all out for dinner, which is always a nice treat.
It’s been a nice weekend, celebrating my two favorite boys. Pampering them silly just because I can. I wish I could find ways to pamper them on a daily basis. But it’s hard to find new ways to pamper someone you’ve been with for 10 years and it’s even harder to pamper a 6-year old boy who changes his mind every 17 minutes. But I try. I try to make them their favorite meals whenever I can. I try to do little things for them that will make them smile or let them know that I’ve noticed. I do what I can because they deserve it, I love them and it’s my job.

Happy Birthday my husband. I hope this next year is full of hope, the best kind of surprises, success, health and happiness for you.

8/7/09 - I Day

Today was the day. The day that started off quietly with me drinking coffee and watching the campus wake up. The day that I was so worried about. The day where I would interview with 29 people (literally) over the course of an entire day for a position I really want. And it went by so quickly it left my head spinning. Pretty literally. Driving away from campus I almost had to pull over. I felt drunk; my head spinning and totally overwhelmed. But in the best possible way. I had so much fun. And that’s an outcome that never once crossed my mind. But that is exactly what happened.

My time interviewing with the administration big whigs had me working in the vision of the position. Plans for what is to come and strategy. My time spent with the search committee and other staff members was much more focused on the concrete and nitty gritty of the day to day job responsibilities. So it was fun to go back and forth from ethereal strategic planning to specifics of how the infrastructure works. And meeting (or re-meeting) all of these people was all at the same time intimidating, engaging, lovely and left me feeling totally amped up and completely ready to start the job tomorrow. It was, without a doubt and quite surprisingly, the best interview I’ve ever had.

I was utterly me through the whole thing. I tried to strike a balance between my professional side and my family. Because both sides are extremely important to me, so I tried to leave them with that impression of me. That my life is about balance, or at the very least that is what I struggle to make it. I let myself be funny and smart. I was grateful and humble while at the same time leaving no doubt that I know exactly what I’m talking about.

I felt powerful and so completely rooted in my own strength that I didn’t really want the whole thing to end. But end it did. And they said they’d be in touch in the next two weeks. Do you think I can keep my fingers crossed for that long?

8/6/09 - Home Sweet College

I’m here. Back at my alma mater. Except that it only sort of resembles the school that I left 10 years ago. There are new academic buildings and residence halls and almost every single older building has been completely renovated. The town has also completely changed. There are bright shiny new buildings where there used to be mom and pop hotels. Old buildings have new coats of paint or shingles or siding and new names. But the shoe store I used to live over is still there. The sign is even still the same. I would love to go knock on the door just to see if it still looks the same. The old gorgeous movie theater that I always loved is still there and the people who run it are still so very, very kind (I don’t have cell service anywhere in town so I pulled in to borrow their phone). There’s a brand new hospital to replace the quaint “please call before you come so we can have a nurse on hand to help you” one that was here while I was in college and had to utilize when a kidney infection knocked me senseless.

Part of my interview schedule is a campus tour. And I was sort of dreading that part because it would mean walking around outside in the 99 degree heat in a suit for an hour. But now I am really looking forward to it. I cannot wait to see what my college has grown into and learn about where it’s going next. The campus is still so gorgeous and green and everyone is just as nice as I remember.

The HR Director took me out to dinner when I got here and I ran into an old friend outside the restaurant. I have always loved that about this small town. Everyone says hello and excuse me and thank you. And you run into friends without even trying. It was nice to see his face. And if I had cell service, we’d probably be having a beer right now and catching up.

Instead I’m sitting in this totally posh room they put me in, really looking forward to tomorrow.

5/23/09 - It's a Tinkerbell/Soccer Party!

**In a haze of 3 year-old birthday party adrenaline and the ensuing sugar rush, I forgot to post this last night. Sorry!!**

Today is The Girl’s birthday party. In true reflection of who she is, it’s a Tinkerbell/soccer party. She picked out all Tinkerbell decorations, invitations, thank you notes and cake but desperately wanted to be able to play soccer with all of her friends. Oooooookkkkkkaaaaayyyyy.

So I ordered the Tinkerbell cake. And I found a new little place here that does soccer classes and parties starting at age 2. I was a little nervous since it was new and I didn’t really know what to expect. But I gotta tell you, it was amazing. The kids had an AWESOME time playing all the games and actually learning some fundamental motor skills for learning to eventually play soccer. And the coach? The coach was just about the coolest guy I’ve ever come into contact with as far as someone who chooses to interact with kids on this level. He let them chase him and beat him silly with Styrofoam noodles and he was able to keep them completely engaged and moving for the entire 90 minutes. It was truly amazing. The Girl and all of her friends (and a couple of The Boy’s friends as well) had a blast.

The cake was super yummy and the presents she got were so completely perfect for her. Her Nana R and Papa T got her first American Girl doll and matching dresses for her and her baby. The Girl named her Tasha and immediately put on her matching dress and almost needed to sleep in it. She got an assortment of Tinkerbell toys and a wonderful sticker/coloring book with fairies and Tinkerbell. And she absolutely loved the dress up chest that her Dad and I got her.

She just had a really good birthday. My mom was able to come for the party and it’s always a good thing when Nana comes to town.

Watching her turn 3 and have so much fun just leaves me smiling. It just thrills me to see her so happy and to have the chance to watch her embrace the celebration.

Fairytale Beginning

In a land once upon a time and far, far away there was a princess. She was beautiful, but did not know it. She was strong, and only knew it sometimes. She was very, very smart and knew that all the time. But she was also terrifically unlucky in love. And this she tried very, very hard not to believe.

She had passed through the beginning of her life being surrounded by people who adored and lavished her with love. But she did not understand why. What had she done to deserve such devotion (besides being very, very smart)? So she pushed it away, hoping that it would go to someone who, surely, deserved it more than she.

And she found as she grew into the middle part of her life that she was crashingly unhappy. Which made her pause from her daily chores of tending to children, herding idiosyncrasies and bowling with routine and yell in an absurdly loud voice, “Heinous fuckery most foul!”

She found that she was quite shocked, and quite bothered, by this revelation and pondered what to do about it. And being very, very smart she thought for sure that an answer would reveal itself in no time at all. And the longer she pondered, the sadder she became. Because it was beginning to appear that the only way to alter this unhappiness was to change her life entirely.

She would have to give up her rank and all of her titles, except that of mother of course which she would never lay down. She would have to pack that which was most dear to her, and the particularly tasty cheese, bread and beverages that had arrived the other day, and walk away from her castle. She would have to face the world outside the walls without cover of armor or sword.

And so she set forth to accomplish this. She packed and pondered and murmured to herself, “Great teeth gnashing bollocks, this dress will never fit.” But fit it did and she put feet to road and carried on her way.

Hoping against hope that her luck would turn and that being very, very smart would be good enough.