My husband and children packed my mom into our car today in preparation to take her halfway home where my dad would meet them and take her the rest of the way. It was supposed to be me and the kids taking her. But strep decided to enter my world and rearrange the furniture to its liking. So instead of driving, I’m laying on the couch weighing the pros and cons of taming my growling stomach versus having to swallow anything.
We have had our fair share of trauma this year. And it’s only July! But here is the funny thing about traumatic events. Life just keeps moving forward. It doesn’t seem to notice if you are wrapped up in a bubble of fear or danger or anything. It just keeps moving forward. Doggedly putting one foot in front of the other, relentlessly pushing everything forward. So I find myself with not only a sense of whiplash, again, but also just like I am actually living two separate lives.
There is the part of me that is constantly thinking about ways to help a friend of mine who is raising funds for her daughter’s healthcare, and the part of me that is thinking of ways to fast track another’s friends application for nonprofit status, and the part of me that is searching for a job, and the part of me that is trying to keep up with all of my friends and their lives. But there is also the part of me that almost lost my mom three short weeks ago. And the part of me that has been lost to pain and sickness the last couple of days. And the part of me that was really worried about The Boy the past week or so.
And I just can’t quite figure out how to reconcile these two people. The “normal” functioning part of me that can see the world around me and my responsibilities and place in that world. And the part of me that is shaken to the core whose head is spinning faster than is humanly possible.
How do I bring the two together to function and process at the same time?
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