I always assume that people will do the right thing when it comes down to it. There is a cynical streak in me however that always points and laughs at that “cup half full” part of me whenever I run into generally mean for no reason people. But today, that part of me that believes that people are generally good in all the ways that matter most, good naturedly poked and giggled at the cynic.
My husband is sick with the same vomit madness that The Boy had, so he has basically ceased to exist for the last 24 hours. In an effort to keep from having to drive back and forth into town in between taking The Boy and The Girl to their respective schools, I decided to splurge and take The Girl and me out to breakfast while we waited. It wasn’t a huge splurge but it gave us a bit of time to talk and color and eat yummy food that I didn’t have to cook. After we were done eating I went up to pay and I swiped my debit card only to discover that the card was expired. Oh. My. God.
Thank goodness I grabbed some cash we had laying around the house on my way out the door (thank you subconscious!), but I was still short. The hostess who was ringing me up totally could have pulled the bitch card on me and been well within her rights. I should be more together and aware than that. Especially now that we are completely credit card free and rely only on cash/debit; I have to have my shit together more than that. But I didn’t. And you know what? She was extraordinarily kind and gave me the difference in cash from her own wallet. And then when I was on the verge of tears because I felt so badly for not being to leave a tip for our server who was equally kind, she offered to give her a slice of pie on her break on our behalf.
I am just so thoroughly grateful for random acts of kindness and I’m on the lookout for ways to pay it forward.
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label compassion. Show all posts
11/3/09
9/13/09
9/12/09 - Wanna be my friend?
**Sorry this is late - I was totally wiped yesterday after Garage Sale Day 2 and went to bed without posting.**
I’m really not very good at developing friendships. Once I am in them, I’m a pretty good friend. I do a pretty good job of keeping in touch and letting the people I love know that I’m thinking about them. But when I get into new friendships, I’m not so good. Mostly I think because I lack confidence. I always end up feeling like I’m imposing in some way or another. So I often find myself taking a back seat in the friendship and waiting for them to come to me. Which, I’m fairly sure, ends up sending mixed signals to those with whom I’m trying to strike up a friendship. They probably find themselves thinking I’m unreliable or finicky or some other inconsistent sort of personality trait. But really it’s just that I can’t quite fully bring myself to believe that they would want me around.
Yes. I’m fully aware how silly I sound. How juvenile and ridiculous. But it’s the truth nonetheless.
There are a few women in this mom’s group I’ve been a part of for years that I would love to know better and I’m sure they think I’m flaky as hell because I always tell them how much I enjoy hanging out with them and then I never call or email or follow through with setting up further play dates. They just seem so much cooler than I am.
It’s a strange thing. That I can be so confident in my skills as a mother and professional. As a person in general and then all of that confidence just fails me in new friendships. I suppose I could look at it as I value the people in my life so greatly, that I think so much of them that I try to hold myself to that same standard. That how much I love and appreciate them, makes me want to be a better friend to them.
And that is true. I just sort of wish I could take the confidence component out of it altogether. That I could just be with people as well as I can just be with myself and my family. It would be so much easier.
I’m really not very good at developing friendships. Once I am in them, I’m a pretty good friend. I do a pretty good job of keeping in touch and letting the people I love know that I’m thinking about them. But when I get into new friendships, I’m not so good. Mostly I think because I lack confidence. I always end up feeling like I’m imposing in some way or another. So I often find myself taking a back seat in the friendship and waiting for them to come to me. Which, I’m fairly sure, ends up sending mixed signals to those with whom I’m trying to strike up a friendship. They probably find themselves thinking I’m unreliable or finicky or some other inconsistent sort of personality trait. But really it’s just that I can’t quite fully bring myself to believe that they would want me around.
Yes. I’m fully aware how silly I sound. How juvenile and ridiculous. But it’s the truth nonetheless.
There are a few women in this mom’s group I’ve been a part of for years that I would love to know better and I’m sure they think I’m flaky as hell because I always tell them how much I enjoy hanging out with them and then I never call or email or follow through with setting up further play dates. They just seem so much cooler than I am.
It’s a strange thing. That I can be so confident in my skills as a mother and professional. As a person in general and then all of that confidence just fails me in new friendships. I suppose I could look at it as I value the people in my life so greatly, that I think so much of them that I try to hold myself to that same standard. That how much I love and appreciate them, makes me want to be a better friend to them.
And that is true. I just sort of wish I could take the confidence component out of it altogether. That I could just be with people as well as I can just be with myself and my family. It would be so much easier.
8/11/09
And Ode to E
My friend E is one of the most amazing women I know. She has this innate sense of community and family that is so heartfelt and honest. She is strong and creative in ways that I deeply appreciate. And she is struggling right now.
She is pregnant with their third baby right now and going into it she knew that it would be a high risk pregnancy. But she got some news a couple of weeks ago that really drove home how high risk it is right now. So her mind took off in a gallop of worst case scenarios that has her reeling from a prognostic future that is much to her dislike. The prospect of having a premature baby, of her getting sick, of the baby stopping growing before he or she should are all swirling around in a cloud of fear and stress. Having to plan now for an imminent prescription of bed rest and extended time off of work only adds to the burden.
And while my heart goes out to her in this time of upheaval, what really gets me the most is that in the midst of all of this, she is still just glowing. She is gorgeous and determined and dedicated to the health of her family no matter what the future holds.
So I listened today while the kiddos played in the background; our daughters at their sweetest plotting together different ways to come and tell us how much they loved us. And gave her tissues and told her that hell yes she should be scared while sharing my own personal mantra – we all are exactly where we’re supposed to be.
I hope she was able to gain some comfort from being able to vent and cry and I hope that I was able to help her see things in a smidgeon of more positive light. Because this woman, and our friendship, mean the world to me. I adore her and her family thoroughly and I would do most anything to be of help to them. I hope that she always remembers that.
And I am glad she reads this blog, because this one is for her.
She is pregnant with their third baby right now and going into it she knew that it would be a high risk pregnancy. But she got some news a couple of weeks ago that really drove home how high risk it is right now. So her mind took off in a gallop of worst case scenarios that has her reeling from a prognostic future that is much to her dislike. The prospect of having a premature baby, of her getting sick, of the baby stopping growing before he or she should are all swirling around in a cloud of fear and stress. Having to plan now for an imminent prescription of bed rest and extended time off of work only adds to the burden.
And while my heart goes out to her in this time of upheaval, what really gets me the most is that in the midst of all of this, she is still just glowing. She is gorgeous and determined and dedicated to the health of her family no matter what the future holds.
So I listened today while the kiddos played in the background; our daughters at their sweetest plotting together different ways to come and tell us how much they loved us. And gave her tissues and told her that hell yes she should be scared while sharing my own personal mantra – we all are exactly where we’re supposed to be.
I hope she was able to gain some comfort from being able to vent and cry and I hope that I was able to help her see things in a smidgeon of more positive light. Because this woman, and our friendship, mean the world to me. I adore her and her family thoroughly and I would do most anything to be of help to them. I hope that she always remembers that.
And I am glad she reads this blog, because this one is for her.
3/30/09
3/27/09 - Day Five
I really, really don’t like walking meditation. It’s the only part of the retreat that I tried once and then didn’t do again. I used the walking times as reflection times and time to myself. Both of which were needed and used well so I don’t feel too badly about it. But I still think it’s a little weird that that was the only thing that I totally flaked out on.
I can’t wait to start talking again tomorrow. I’m ready to be able to share a little with these people. At least share a laugh and be able to say bless you when they sneeze! And thank you. I don’t think I understood how important thank you is to me. I miss being able to say it when the mood or event strikes. And I get to see my babies tomorrow!
We’ve been listening to Joseph Goldstein for the evening discourse every night. And I just love him. He is so completely rooted in his humanity and the minute I hear his voice it’s just like wheels on gears clicking together.
Here are some of my notes from his talks:
“Nothing whatsoever is to be clung to.” – Buddha
Nothing lasts long enough to be called self. Clinging is a contraction – becomes a prison of self. The “I” is reborn whenever there is clinging. As soon as there is rebirth, there is suffering.
Pay attention to the mind’s state in between thoughts – those are moments of freedom in awareness.
Compassion if particularly directed at those in pain. Proximity to suffering is the primary cause of compassion.
Every response is a two-sided coin. The other side of the coin to compassion is pity. When we hold suffering as an individual problem, the response is one of pity. When we can allow ourselves to understand that suffering is universal then compassion arises.
“In the cherry blossom’s shade, there is no such thing as a stranger.” Iza (sp?) Japanese poet
I had this image today during Shivassana that I was floating in water with the Buddha’s great huge hands underneath me – not touching, but always there protecting me. In case I should need them. It was pretty cool.
I can’t wait to start talking again tomorrow. I’m ready to be able to share a little with these people. At least share a laugh and be able to say bless you when they sneeze! And thank you. I don’t think I understood how important thank you is to me. I miss being able to say it when the mood or event strikes. And I get to see my babies tomorrow!
We’ve been listening to Joseph Goldstein for the evening discourse every night. And I just love him. He is so completely rooted in his humanity and the minute I hear his voice it’s just like wheels on gears clicking together.
Here are some of my notes from his talks:
“Nothing whatsoever is to be clung to.” – Buddha
Nothing lasts long enough to be called self. Clinging is a contraction – becomes a prison of self. The “I” is reborn whenever there is clinging. As soon as there is rebirth, there is suffering.
Pay attention to the mind’s state in between thoughts – those are moments of freedom in awareness.
Compassion if particularly directed at those in pain. Proximity to suffering is the primary cause of compassion.
Every response is a two-sided coin. The other side of the coin to compassion is pity. When we hold suffering as an individual problem, the response is one of pity. When we can allow ourselves to understand that suffering is universal then compassion arises.
“In the cherry blossom’s shade, there is no such thing as a stranger.” Iza (sp?) Japanese poet
I had this image today during Shivassana that I was floating in water with the Buddha’s great huge hands underneath me – not touching, but always there protecting me. In case I should need them. It was pretty cool.