Crabby is as Crabby does

Crabby. Crabby, crabby, crabby. Ccccrrrraaaabbbbaaaayyy.

That is me today. I had a headache for most of yesterday which made the migraine turn by late afternoon. I went to close my eyes to try to steer clear of blindness and woke up almost 3 hours later. And I have just been out of sorts ever since. I didn’t sleep for anything last night and woke up soooo much later than I regularly do. So my discombobulation is just compounding on itself. Which is translating into mucho crabbiness.

Crabby because my mom cannot stop coughing (you know, because a heart attack wasn’t enough, a chest cold had to find her too). Crabby because it’s hot. Crabby because I can’t get a moment of quiet. Crabby because I’m tired of cooking. Crabby because I just can’t seem to pull it together enough to get us to a farmer’s market. Crabby because it’s the end/beginning of the month and I don’t quite know how to get all of our bills paid. Crabby because I can’t find a job and just don’t understand why. Crabby because The Boy keeps asking me the same questions over and over again. Crabby because The Girl is insisting on wearing winter clothes in the middle of summer and then complains about being hot. Crabby because all the dogs need baths. Crabby because I should just get over being crabby and can’t.

I sort of feel like the whole last week, that I have spent organizing and keeping track and monitoring with little trace of crabbiness or over reaction, has just come crashing down on my head. I feel like all the fatigue, sadness, fear and trauma all landed squarely on my chest all at once. But it’s not translating like any of those emotions. It’s just translating into me being uber-crabby. And I can see my mom and husband trying not to engage the crabbiness that is me right now. I can see them just taking deep breaths and moving away from my crabby bubble.

And maybe they have the right idea. Maybe I just need some quiet time to decompress. Maybe I just need to be left alone for a couple of hours.

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