3/4/09

Work in Progress

Patience (pā-shəns) is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

Endurance? Check.
Perseverance? Check.
Forbearance? Check.
Steadfastness? Check.
All of these things “without becoming annoyed or upset”? Not so much.

I am an only child. I am occasionally too smart for my own good. I am action oriented. I am trusting almost to a fault. I am kind, compassionate, creative and motivated. But waiting for things to just pan out is not my forte. When I make a decision, I am ready to have it happen post haste. Not when it is supposed to or when the universe thinks I’m ready for it. Now goddamnit!

And I know this is something requiring work. That regardless of how charming, cute or full of guile I may be, that there are times when I simply must be patient. Whether that be waiting for the stars to align, for someone to review my resume or to be worked into someone else’s schedule. I must be willing to learn the patience I preach to my children.

Maybe that’s the crux of it all. That I must be willing to re-learn the patience from my childhood. I must be willing to accept that throwing temper tantrums or unnecessary poking is not the answer to anything. And maybe that I’m waiting for a reason. That there is some grand master plan that I’m working out by putting one foot in front of the other and breathing in and out all day. If I do my part, then the pieces will eventually all fall together into some amazing masterpiece. Or something. I don’t fricking frakking know.

Mostly I guess I’m just trying to make myself feel better about being such an impatient person, and give myself some hope that I can be better at it. And trying to come up with something profound to give me the impetus to keep working. I guess life will just have to do for now.

1 comment:

Linda said...

Just reading the blog of a yoga friend who died of cancer last September from New York her mantra for life was, "time is the theatre of learning"

so this time it seems to be a learning of patience and all that goes with it, eh? :)

And, from experience it is a bitch!