I was pretty crazy in high school. Lots of partying. Lots of drinking. A fair amount of dabbling here and there and everywhere with all things dangerous and/or envelope pushing. Because of that, when I went to college, I wasn’t all that crazy. I was actually pretty staid truth be told. When I arrived on campus, I had already stopped drinking and wouldn’t start drinking again for almost two more years. I was pretty focused and there to study, not party. I mean, yes, I stayed up way too late almost every night and went to parties, but I did it without killing anymore brain cells.

In high school, I was pretty good at just letting go and doing whatever the moment moved me to do. For better or for worse, regardless of regret come the morning light, if I needed a night of unrestrained fun, crazy or adventure that is exactly what I let myself do. Even when I did start drinking again in college, I never really got to that point again. And I gotta say that every once in a while I really miss it. The ability to just let go and be and do whatever comes next.

Which is one of the reasons why I ran away to Denver yesterday. Not only because I needed some art in my life. Not only because I needed some alone time. Not only because I needed some friend time. But because I needed to just let go and be. And I did and it was more fun than I’ve had in a long, long time. I charmed my friends into staying outside to play darts next to the chiminea when it was entirely too cold to hang out outside. I drank too much. I laughed more than I have in months. And I managed to kick some ass at the second game of darts.

It was grand. And then I woke up this morning to a whopping headache. But it was worth it. And when I called home to check on the kiddos, the guilt returned because they both had fevers. But I’m trying not to let that guilt sully such an amazing day.

1 comment:

Linda said...

But, do ya think that the very mention of the guilt because of fever brings on some sullying..... maybe just be good with the decision and fun you had and then go home and be the wonderful mom that you are to those beautiful grandchildren of mine.

I am so glad that you had fun....it's important amidst all the responsibilities. xoxoxo