Just a Flirty Girl

I have always been a bit of a flirt. For better or for worse, it’s always just been a piece of my personality. Much like that 7 year old on the playground I suppose. If I’m flirting, it’s because I’m interested in you in one way or another, and jibing with word-play and body language is usually my way of conveying that.

Whether it’s me playing the tough girl and issuing challenges for who can out drink the other or win some sort of metaphorical arm wrestling match. Or me playing the smart girl engaging in a duel of words. Or me trying to invite you to take a look at the world through my eyes by asking for advice or shyly being curious about your everyday interests, “So what kind of music is in your car right now?”

I know, it all sounds a wee bit childish doesn’t it? I could plead only child syndrome. It explains just about everything. My lack of experience connecting with people in day to day situations. My awkwardness in social situations. My lack of finesse in navigating interpersonal relationships. Although I know other only children who don’t suffer from the same ineptitude. But ultimately I think it’s just how I figured out how to share myself with people.

It’s also a way for me to let go a bit. To free that playful side of me that I usually keep tethered. When I let myself off the leash though, I wake up the next morning and dissect everything that I said and did. Inevitably I find something that was just a bit too daring and end up burying my head in my pillow willing my remembrance to be wrong. I didn’t really make that big an ass of myself. Did I?

Whether I did or not isn’t up to me of course. It’s all about perception. And regardless of how much work I do or how much confidence I gain, my perspective will always be off when it comes to evaluating my own actions. My biggest hope is that there will come a day when I can just shrug it off and flirt my way through another day.