Flailing in Place

I’m trying to come up with a name for this project I’m working on. That seems a fair place to start when taking on a task like starting a foundation from scratch at the same time as staying home with both children, figuring out each moment as it comes hurtling at me and doing several pro bono projects for people I love and want to see succeed.

I’m feeling rather overwhelmed right now. Overwhelmed because I can’t quite seem to get things to line up the way I’d like so that I can start making substantial plans. So that I can start making strides forward instead of feeling like my feet are staked to the ground while the rest of me is flailing about trying to keep some semblance of balance. Where’s the stake remover when you need one?

At the same time however, I’m feeling really very exhilarated at the chance to be helping out these people that I adore and have such deep respect for the work they take on so selflessly. I feel really honored that they would trust me with helping them in this transitional and vulnerable stage with their work. And I feel blessed that I have the knowledge I have so that I can truly be of assistance to them. And this foundation idea is really going in my head, blooming and taking on a life of its own to some extent.

I think one of my problems right now is that I really am a behind the scenes kind of girl. I have a hard time being in the spotlight. I have a hard time commanding attention. I have a problem with being timid when I should be thoroughly empowered and asking for what I want and need. And I’m not altogether sure how to make that timidity fade into the background so that I can step through it and be who I am in a way that gets things done with the big power broker muckety mucks that are often the gate keepers.

I’m just going to cross my fingers that simply being who I am in every moment will get me where I want to be.

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