Speculating

I have spent the last week or so having all sorts of daydreams about The Boy. He starts first grade tomorrow and that has me jumping forward into the next several years as he continues to grow and become more of an individual.

We spent all today watching The X Games on ESPN off and on. He usually would tune in intently during the skateboard and BMX parts. He asked for a skateboard more than once for his upcoming sixth birthday (and The Girl asked for a “cool new bike to do jumps with” as well).

It’s one of the strangest and most wonderful parts of motherhood for me. Speculating on what my children will do and become as they get older. Wondering if they will play sports of some sort or get more into academics or struggle or succeed. Whether they will have more friends than they know what to do with or whether they will feel lonely and outcast.

I’ve been trying to imagine The Boy in those awkward pre-teen years as I’ve watched him start to look so very, very grown up this summer. He’s so tall and his little kid body is starting to show its strength as he grows into it. He has his father’s innate balance and lack of rhythm. He has my power of movement and passing sense of grace. I just can’t quite see his face as anything more than my little boy however. I can see him doing all of these amazing things in soccer or skateboarding or biking, but I can only see him as he is now. Even though I already feel like I recognize him just a little bit less.

He’s started making up jokes and playing with words. He’s started imitating speech patterns and manners of talking in specific situations just to see what sorts of reactions he gets. His imaginative play has reached a whole new level. And I cannot wait to see what being in school all day does for his development and experimentation.

My sweet boy is growing up and I’m so excited I can hardly stand it. I hope I remember that excitement when I’m missing his cuddles.