8/19/09

Teetering

Life just keeps piling things on. We’re 99% sure that The Girl has asthma. And she has started having abdominal migraines on top of the regular kind. Granted, if asthma and migraines are the only things she has to deal with on a long-term basis, I’ll count my blessings, but still. No three year old should have to deal with this crap.

And we discovered last night that our refrigerator sprung a leak at some point and got to the point where it had seeped through the floor into the threshold above the door to our laundry room. Who knows what the drywall/floorboard damage will be when it dries out.

The medical bills just keep rolling in from The Girl’s hospitalization and now The Boy’s concussion.

And I can feel myself teetering on the edge of a full blown pity party. I can feel myself being on the verge of tears pretty much all the time the last few days. I can feel myself being drug down by the sheer weight of it all. Even though drywall just isn’t that heavy. And it just sucks. I know that I’m stronger than all of this. I know that we are indeed being taken care of and that everything will work out one way or another. I know that I am exactly where I should be. And where I am needed. But it still sucks. And I’m tired.

There is a bit of a battle raging in me at the moment. There is the part of me that utterly and completely (maybe for the first time in my life) trusts that the universe is preparing something amazing and wonderful for me and my family. And there is the part of me that is ready to give up from absolute fatigue. It’s been a long year.

So I am trying to just listen to my heart. I’m trying to figure out how to call to me the love and support I know is there. I’m trying to just be in every moment, present and authentic. I’m trying to figure out how and what to ask for, because I’m never going to get something I don’t ask for.

4 comments:

sh said...

Fuck that! Drywall is incredibly heavy!

However, and more importantly, it is not so heavy that you couldn't lift it, which, I believe, is the point you're making.

Hold it up for just a little bit longer and then throw it off of yourself and stomp on it.

I don't need to give you a pep talk because you don't need one. You're doing just fine.

Kristi said...

You and I seem to be in the exact same place. I have been feeling exactly the way you are. Different situations but the same feelings...

Amy D. said...

Yeah, I've been there. Recently. Like I'm on the verge of completely shattering. You'll come out of it, amazed at how strong you are!

mosaica said...

Well aren't you all just the sweetest things ever? Thanks for the support and non-pep talk. I am ok. Just a little...teetery...I'll find my balance again sooner or later. xoxo