The Forgetting

I wrote thank you notes to the people I interviewed with today. And I was thinking that I’d just be able to sit down and write the suckers off the top of my head. Unfortunately for C, that is not at all how that happened. After writing two or three drafts I emailed her in a panic asking, once more, for help in the self promotion arena. And she came through, of course. She told me so very, very gently to buck up and stop writing about myself like I was a big fat wuss. And I appreciated it, I really did.

I finally got them done and sent. And now I’m just trying to forget all about it actually. I think I’ve done everything I can do. I have my fingers crossed. I’ve asked the universe to please come through on this one. I’ve got just about everyone I know pulling for me and sending all of the “she is going to get this job” vibes they can muster. I interviewed really well. I sent well written and well thought out thank you notes. Now all I can do is wait.

But for me the waiting in dangerous. Because my brain tends to take perfectly good things that I’ve done and warp them into what must have surely been crazy and totally stupid things. My brain likes to sabotage the hell out of me and my hope. It’s just mean. But true nonetheless. So I’m trying to just let it go and forget about it in the hopes that I’ll pull the plug on my brain’s power over me. So that I can look at this whole experience and know that I put everything I had into it and if I still don’t get the job it’s just because it wasn’t meant to be, not because I screwed something up as I’m sure my brain will try to tell me.

So I’m shutting it down. Willfully ignoring my brain and opting for better judgment. Yep. See here I go. Forgetting. Will you remind me that I chose to forget this when I’m freaking out in another week because I haven’t heard from them yet?


sh said...

Now is the time for us to pursue the writing project we discussed. Let me help you distract yourself (because, lord knows, I ain't got nothing else going on).

Linda said...

Take sh up on the offer........sounds good. And it is not your brain that is the problem, it is your mind.....some good ol' JG might come in handy from your birthday present?????? And it is not a matter of shutting the mind off but rather noticing what is there and then coming back to what you know is true with a Thank you but no thank you....to all the random phenomena that the mind cooks up......I love you honey. xoxox

mosaica said...

I think I will take you up on that sh...I've been wanting to write about new and different things lately as I'm tired of doing this stream of consciousness/journaling writing (and I'm sure you're all tired of reading it as well). One request, would you give me a topic to start with?

Oh and comps bite the big one. Sorry about that friend.

Lisa said...

Don't know why I have not been following along here, but just spent a good chunk of my day reading and catching up.. and loved every word.

Every word.

You rock.

mosaica said...

Awww..Lisa!! You're so sweet! Thanks mama!