Silliness

I have spent the last week or so driving everyone around me completely crazy with the whole interview with my alma mater thing. Sending out entirely too many emails asking too many silly questions, full of too many silly concerns and being way too self-doubting. I’m sure they’re all ready to just write me off and be done with me after this. And I can’t say that I blame them. I’ve learned over the last several years that one of the primary qualities that people attach to me is confidence. So to see me strip myself almost entirely of confidence drives them nuts. Because I’m totally doing it to myself and it’s needless.

I find myself worrying about what purse I’m going to bring, even though the only purse I have is my every day, brown, canvas bag. Should I even bring a purse? Maybe just my briefcase? I made the mistake of looking at the weather channel to see what the forecast is looking like only to discover that it’s going to be 99 degrees on Friday and I’ll be walking all over campus. Sweltering. Sweating like a pig, looking all shiny and matted and anything but prim and professional. I have a tattoo on my upper right arm that, in the name of being prim and professional, needs to be hidden. So I have to wear a jacket over my sleeveless silk sheath. I mean my (one and only) interview outfit is seriously fierce. But I am going to have heat stroke by the end of the day. I’m pretty sure I’m latching onto all of these silly things in an effort to have something to control in all of this. Because, as I rambled on to one of my very patient friends today, at the end of the day, there is only me. And I am terrified that I will just not be good enough.

I am used to being well within my comfort zone at interviews. Talking about subjects that I know inside and out. And with this interview, I have no real idea what I’m walking into.

And I can’t remember the last time I wanted a job this badly.