Day of Gratitude

I am in a strange space today. Part overwhelming gratitude and part wistful I think is the best way to describe it.

As I have well (and long) documented here, this has been a fairly shitty year by all normal standards. What with The Girl and the multiple pneumonia’s, the seizure, the hospitalization, The Boy really struggling with school, my mom’s heart attack, my husband and I trying to figure out what we want the next phase of our marriage to look like, The Boy’s concussion and our imminent filing for bankruptcy looming on the horizon. And so many other things that drug me down into the muck of the daily grind.

And believe me, I’ve spent my fair share of the last 9 months shaking my fists at the sky and cussing loudly. And drinking. And smoking (I’ve quit again by the way). And cussing some more.

But today, even in the face of a gigantic life change right in front of me, I am just filled with this all-encompassing gratitude. I am so grateful that we have The Girl’s asthma under control and she is healthy. I am so grateful that The Boy is loving school and doing so well in it. I am so grateful for my friends; the old, the new and the ones in progress. I am so grateful for my parents’ support through all of this, it would have been so easy to just shake their heads in my general direction and wait for me to get back to normal. I am so grateful for my husband’s parents who have been so thoroughly supportive from afar, who quite literally have made our next steps possible.

And I am wistful because I am hoping against all hope that I can get through whatever is next with my head held high and my lessons learned intact. I am hoping that I can continue to prove to these people who enrich my life so completely that I am worthy of their belief, support, compassion and love. I am hoping that I can continue to show my children how to face adversity with determination and a smile always waiting in your back pocket.