Not Ok

I am not feeling romantic or wistful or any of the other things I’ve been feeling lately. Today I am angry. I am angry because the son of a friend of mine is laying in the PICU at Denver Children’s Hospital fighting for his life. He came home with a sore throat and fever a week ago and is now on a heart/lung bypass machine fighting for his life. And I am angry because the doctors should have been able to prevent this. I am angry because I keep hearing about how H1N1 is pretty mild and the only danger is in overwhelming the medical system and then this sweet boy gets it and is living hour to hour. But mostly I am angry because there is an entire hospital 90 minutes from my doorstep full of nothing but children in danger and the world is still turning. People are still going grocery shopping and going to work and paying bills and driving around like that is ok. And it is absolutely the hell not ok.

I have another friend whose daughter is also at DCH right now and while she is not in critical care, she is also not healthy and got a life altering diagnosis not too long ago that turned their whole world upside down.

And The Girl has a pediatric cardiologist appointment in just over a week to see if we can add a few more things to her little plate.

And none of this is ok.

Will there ever be a way to reconcile children dying or getting horrific sicknesses or being born with disastrous genetic syndromes? I know all the arguments for natural selection and fate and what makes us stronger. And in the face of a sweet boy being kept alive by machinery I declare all of that to be bullshit. There is just no reason for this much pain and sorrow. These parents have done nothing to deserve being made stronger in this way. These children should be romping with their friends and siblings. Being silly and having fun.

There is no excuse. And it makes me angry in a way that I can’t contain or justify.