Screaming

This is one of those messy days I predicted. One of the ones where I’d rather just get through the day instead of writing about it. Where I’d just rather this day go down in history instead of in words.

When I woke up this morning I thought this day would be one of productivity and ease. The Girl started preschool for real today and The Boy was in school, so I had an entire almost 90 minutes to myself this morning in the overlap of their class schedules. I tried to write then, in the peace and quiet, and failed. So I just used the time to catch up on email and listen to music. It was nice, but went by way too fast.

I had hoped to clean the kitchen, get caught up on laundry, pay bills and a myriad of other things today. Instead, it’s been a screaming day. I’ve had varied success in keeping the screaming in my head alone. The children have been at each other all afternoon, so I’ll admit, there has been more screaming out loud than I would have liked.

And the screaming in my head has gone on, unabated, throughout the day. It’s been a day where everything in my being is rebelling against the conventional daily grind. A day where I’m having a hard time being a mom. It almost feels like I have a toddler in my head with its temper tantrums and self-absorption.

The constant screaming also serves, however, to make everything else in the day seem so much louder and all around intrusive. I keep finding myself shushing the dogs, the kids and the TV and anything else that is making noise.

So I don’t have much in the way of introspection, wisdom or humor to share today. It’s hard to think around this screaming. It’s hard to do much of anything around this screaming. But hopefully a good night’s sleep will silence the banshee and I’ll be back in prime form tomorrow. Ready to regale you with stories worth the time you spend here. Ready to keep walking and keep working. Ready to be me and everything that comes with it.