After I picked The Boy up from school yesterday, this is a conversation we had while in the car on the way home:
TB: "I know who I'm going to marry."
ME: "Oh really? Who?"
TB: "Well, I know who I am going to marry, but boys can't marry boys can they?"
ME: "As long as you love someone and want to be with them forever, you can marry whoever you want."
TB: "Oh, well then I want to marry K. I like him. And I love him. So I'm going to marry him."
ME: "Ok, well it's good to know that you know that already."
As you can imagine this story brought up several reactions in me. The first was, my goodness my boy is sweet! The second was, I kind of hope he doesn’t tell K this as I’m not sure how he would react and I really don’t want my Boy to lose a friend. And admittedly, the third was a little bit of motherly relief. Relief that if this little snippet of conversation was a sign of things to come that I wouldn’t have to deal with skanky girls following my blue-eyed Boy home. And yes, I know that boys can be skanky and catty as well. But he’s my first born and as a mom, I guess I’d rather deal with boys in muscle shirts than girls in micro-mini’s.
I probably should have dealt with the whole thing better. But I wasn’t sure how to tackle the whole idea of him not sharing this idea with K. I mean how do you tell the sweetest boy that he should just keep all his love to himself? Doesn’t that sound just a little bit cruel?
But I do worry about him and his sweetness. I’ve always worried about him and his sweetness. Ever since he would go up to other kids on the playground and say “My am The Boy. Please you play with me?” And the other kids would laugh and run away. He doesn’t understand cruelty. And I don’t want him to. But how do I protect him from something he doesn’t know when it comes looking for him?
3 comments:
Who would be more sympathetic to cruelty, someone who loves him or someone who doesn't?
Well, I'm not sure I can ever be sympathetic to cruelty to be honest. On the whole, it's entirely unnecessary. That's why I said I probably should have handled the conversation better, i.e. using it as an opportuntity to talk to him about tolerance and friendship. But I was taken aback and still am not sure what to say...any ideas?
Good morning Mosaica - Cruelty is subjective, and therefore what may seem hurtful to one may not seem hurtful to another. In your post you mention that he may lose a friend if The Boy told K about the situation you discuss. Right or wrong, this could be a cruel act. What I am referring to is that if a loving mother would put it into terms that if The Boy told K what he is thinking and the mother could tell The Boy what might happen, he might take the cruelty less emotionally if that kind of act would happen. It could still hurt The Boys feelings but it would hurt much less than losing a close friend.
What do you say...first I would discuss ALL (except maybe the intimate part) the factors of being married and find out more of what The Boy thinks of marriage. Then I would be honest...tell The Boy what could happen but him being open and honest with you is a quality that will give the two of you an outstanding relationship as he gets older. Trust me, it will get harder!
That is one thing that I don't remember too much of growing up...long talks with my parents. I was raised with a this is how it is attitude and regrettably, I hid a lot of things from my parents.
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