Mantra Revision

I spent quite a bit of time not talking to much of anyone. Not relaying much of anything about what was going on with me. About this journey that I’ve been on. But that’s all changed lately. I’ve come out, guns blazing, unabashedly willing to show off my newly found self and strength in all of its Mojo Boots glory.

And the last few days I’ve had some worry about how people in my life were reacting to that. Worrying because the comments on this blog have fallen off. Worrying because I saw my friends writing and talking about my decisions. Worrying because of the general reaction in my immediate vicinity.

So I turned to H of course, because he is my friendly port in the storm. And he said, in his most loving and unfriendly of tones, that he’s going to have “Fuck That” tattooed across my fingers. So that every time I ball up my fist in shame or silliness I can see those words and remember that none of that bullshit matters.

And it dawned on me that those who are closest to me, those who have loved me long time, have been waiting for this journey to begin for quite some time. They have been waiting for me to wake up and start living again. And now that I have, they refuse to let my own fear drive me back into the shadows.

Thank God for that! Because even with my Mojo Boots, there are still days when it’s hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And so I thought about taking a sharpie to my knuckles, but The Boy is learning to read and I didn’t think that would be the example his teacher is looking for me to set.

I think I will incorporate it into my daily mantra however. So that when doubt starts to creep, or I take something personally, or I don’t get the job I want, I can say to myself: I am worthy of the life I am creating, I am beautiful, I am strong, I can do hard things, and fuck all the fear. Yep. That’s how I roll.