12/12/09 - Crabtastic

Crabtastic. That about sums me up today. Typically when I internalize stress it shows up with headaches and migraines. I apparently decided to switch it up however and it is now showing up by making me wanting to vomit every minute of today. And no. I am not pregnant.

I miss my boys. And The Girl is constantly in my shadow. And even though I don’t have much to do here, I feel like there’s not enough time to do what I need to do. You know, those things that enable me to keep my sanity? Those are getting swept right under the rug as of late. The making sure I get regular allotments of alone time? Not so much. The writing because I have snippets of stories in my head? Not at all. The reading because I like it? Not as much as I’d like. The brain candy movies/TV/internet time? Ok, that I am getting but only because I’m not sleeping.

I have this whole big writing project that I’ve been thinking about for the last couple of months that I was all set to kick off January 1st. And now I’m sure if I should or not. I mean I don’t want to set myself up for failure because of my present tense. But I also don’t want to let myself shirk this challenge just because it scares me and my present tense would so easily allow me to do so. It’s an exciting thing to look forward to, although it will take me entirely away from my writing comfort zone. Like into a whole different hemisphere. And I won’t lie, that scares me. But it is also exhilarating to consider the possibilities.

I feel badly for The Girl because I know she’s dying for some play time. She hasn’t had any kid interaction since we’ve been down here and I know she’s probably going nuts with how staid her play life has become. But we’re journeying to Albuquerque tomorrow for a little overnight getaway and to finish Christmas shopping. So hopefully the trip will provide her with some playmates while at the same time elevating my general mood and demeanor. Fingers crossed.

No comments: