mur, mur, mur, blah, blah, blah

I don’t want to write today!! I don’t want to write today!! I don’t want to write today!! I don’t want to write today!!

I’m tired of straining for a creativity that is just not there at the moment. I’m tired of trying to come with new and interesting things to say. Especially on days like today where I am so entirely immersed in daily grind and to-do list bullshit that writing some provocative and/or interesting is just really far away from my capacity.

I’m whiny and irritated that I have this fucking cold and I’m tired because the children aren’t sleeping worth a damn and I’m busy with a bunch of stuff that in a week simply won’t matter and all of this is keeping me from doing what I really want to be doing. I want to get back into the pro bono projects I’m working on and dropped when the whole seizure/pneumonia thing happened. I want to be manifesting getting a job so I can stop stressing about our finances. I want to be getting excited about summer and everything that goes with it. I want to be drinking cocktails with my girlfriends!!

Granted a lot of this I am the only one keeping myself from achieving progress. I’m whiny and unbalanced and flailing. And that’s a choice I suppose. A choice made either consciously or subconsciously as a response to everything with The Girl and life in general right now.

And it’s a strange place to be because even though I’m all scattered and willy nilly, I haven’t really lost any of the confidence I’ve cultivated over the last year. I haven’t really lost much of the direction or conviction. I haven’t really lost much of the progress I’ve made. I’m just confidently scattered I suppose. And it’s a goofy place to be.

But here I am. So I’m trying to continue to just be with everyday and take it as it comes. Keep my head up, my shoulders back and my eyes on the prize. Keep breathing and keep on keeping on so to speak. I mean I’m bound to figure out which way is up sooner or later right?