Impulse vs. Presence

Here’s a question that popped into my head today – where is the line between being present in every moment and being impulsive?

I’ve spent the last year really focusing on learning how to be present in every moment and then to summon the courage to be authentic in that moment, for better or worse. And I’ve gotten pretty good at it. I am really present in just about every moment, and I’ve been able to raise my awareness enough that even when my head wanders out of the present moment, I can recognize it and reel it back in. I can catch myself when I’m dipping my toes into the past or future when the fear or anger descends with no other provocation other than my brain getting away with itself.

But yesterday and today I’ve been wondering about how and if that presence of mind could easily translate into impulsive acts. Like today when I nonchalantly handed over my credit card for Webkinz for the kids and bras for me. Or several sake bombs and enough sushi to gorge a very, very large cat. Or shoes (I’m still searching for sassy sandals, please let me know if you find any).

To be fair, I almost never spend money on myself. I’ll spend money on the kids or other people in a heartbeat. But hardly ever on myself. The kids are gone and I got a wild hair up my ass and decided to go shopping. And I’m pretty sure I spent entirely too much money on things I didn’t necessarily need (although, also to be fair? I only have the one bra, so it’s not too much of a splurge to have a rotation of three).

So I guess the answer to my question is that if I were to chalk up the impulse shopping to being in the moment and following my whimsy regardless of right or wrong, that’s pretty much bullshit. But knowing that I made the choice to splurge and buy myself something pretty the day before the biggest interview of my life and then to roll with the consequences is the kind of being in the moment I’m proud of.