11/18/09 - The Shock of Time

**I'm sorry this is late...**

When you plan a fantastic vacation 3-4 months in advance or you have one of your most favorite people coming to visit in a few months, those months can seem interminable. As if they are literally crawling by, taunting you with how very, very slowly they can move in relation to how badly you want something or how much you are looking forward to that distant date lurking on the calendar.

But when the oncologist told my dad today that he has 4-6 months to live, well that is a whole new story. Suddenly those long-drawn-out days upon weeks upon months suddenly got very, very short. The Girl’s 4th birthday is six months away. I cannot imagine my dad not being here to see that. The Boy will be moving out of first grade in 6 months, and I cannot imagine him not being there to give his grandson a huge hug of congratulations. It just seems like no time at all. And I cannot properly express what a shock that is.

When they discovered the large tumor in my dad’s lungs, I was prepared for him to not be around for much more than another year or two. I get that no matter how aggressively lung cancer is treated that it usually is meaner than the chemo and wins in the end using all of the dirty tricks it has in its never-ending bag of tragedy. I get that. I just honestly did not think it would take him this soon. But it will and given how far spread they think the cancer is, it will probably be sooner.

My dad has opted for no treatment, which I totally understand. He just spent that last several years watching his best friend waste away battling (and losing to) throat cancer. So he’s calling the shots on this one. I want the time he has left to be full of joy, peace and laughter. I want him to be surrounded by the people he loves doing only the things that he wants to do. So we’ll do whatever we need to to make sure that happens.

I want my dad to go out with a bang.